Blog
tears of a clown
30/05/2010 19:09
Some women tend to "put on a Happy face" even when they are crying and dying inside. In my past life (pre-stepmotherhood) this was NOT something I ever did. I was a hard hitting, independent woman who said what she meant and meant what she said. If I was unhappy about something in my life...I changed it. If there was a negative person in my life...I eliminated them from my social/work circle. If I had a problem I found a solution and all was well.
Now as a StepMother I find myself acting happy when I want to scream. Biting my tongue to save hard feelings in my marriage. Feeling unhappy and not knowing how to change it without giving up the man that I love and want to partner with for life. I am associating with the most hateful, spiteful and ugly people I have ever had the displeasure of knowing and do not have the choice to completely eliminate them from my life (refering to the BM and family not the SKIDs). I have a problem and the solution is beyond me.
I hear the same platitudes day after day..."by letting it bother you....she (BM) wins". Although exactly what she's winning I still don't know and if her life is so empty that the highlight of it is "winning" this imaginary war with my emotions then she is more certifiable then even I thought. "All 'Mothers' feel the same way as you do"...really? Then why do they keep having children??? They feel powerless, overwhelmed and under appreciated...wow! That's a job I want to sign up for...I'd rather keep my career in business where I at least get paid to put up with the BS.
When I take time for me I feel guilty and when I don't I feel bitchy...my husband tells me "life is hard and is not always fun." Well my life was not THIS HARD before and most of the time it was fun. I made my own rules for my life; chose the people with whom I interacted; worked hard and spent MY money on ME! I had a spare bedroom that I turned into a walk-in closet for my clothes and multitude of shoes (now my shoes are in bins...yes bins...ugh...under the bed so there is room for everyone's stuff) and if I did not like doing something...I didn’t do it. Now I "suck it up"..."take it on the chin" and keep trudging on...I never imagined myself as a trudger...I was more of a skipper...
So then why do it? Why not walk away and go back to my simple, fun, single life? Why put up with the BS from the BM and her family. Why give up my new pair of shoes for clothes for the skids? Why live in Suburbia when all I want to do is just relax, have a drink maybe do some dancing at a supper club...
For love? Is love enough in the end? For companionship? Is companionship worth it?
In the end I do it because I love and am committed to my husband. The kids are good kids and I DO love them. But knowing these things does not offer a solution to my putting on a happy face when I want to cry...
My solution? I have started doing the things I did BEFORE...b4 skids, b4 BM, b4 school plays and skinned knees. I am getting out with my girlfriends for drinks and my DH and I are going out for nice dinners (one of my favorite things to do). I am clawing back the me that he fell in love with and that I felt good about. Am I still doing the suburban things? Yes...but on a smaller scale. Finding time to do what makes me happy makes me a much better wife, SM and person.
No more tears of a clown for me...I am looking for my tears of joy and I am not going to stop until they are the only ones I cry.
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The truth and nothing but the truth
26/05/2010 11:30False accusations, a weapon used by BM's to control and upset the balance we achieve in our homes.
As a logical person I tend to look at things in a very straight forward manner. If something is true it is true and if it is not, it is not. Don't make things up and speak only about what you know for certain and your life will be much easier to manage. So I have a hard time understanding the pull that BM's feel towards lying about things that have happened in your home. Where, I must mention, she does not live.
Accusations made by most of these women are very serious indeed. And in fact if they were true I would expect any truly concerned parent to take much more serious steps then to merely hurl accusations at the kid's Dad. Instead these women save the "good" stuff for court or to throw in our faces when things are not going their way. Is this really a concerned parent or a women scorned?
Recently the BM in my case accused DH and me of leaving a 7 yr old home alone and unattended. It is a ridiculous and unfounded accusation and she waited to address it for a week. She create a reality in her head and then expects the rest of us to live there with her. In my mind if she thought a child was being neglected why would she not address it immediately. The only reason I can think of is that she makes this shit up and then waits to see where it lands.
Even writing this I find myself confused and disgusted by this practice. It is dangerous and unnecessary. Any insight that someone could offer me here would be appreciated.
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10 Parenting Tips Every Stepmom Must Know
21/05/2010 15:0410 Parenting Tips Every Stepmom Must Know
As shared by the ES on Facebook
Being a stepmother can be one of the most challenging roles in society, and one that often receives little support, understanding, and appreciation from others. In my book, The Happy Stepmother, I share 10 steps to thrive despite the frustrations that come with stepmotherhood, but here are 10 tips you can try right now to become a happier stepmother today:
1.Enjoy time with your stepchildren: Stepchildren should be assets, rather than liabilities, in your life. To have good relationships with them, you need to spend quality time with them and interact in meaningful, pleasurable ways. Since quality relationships are built from one-on-one interactions, spend private time with each of your stepchildren. Find common interests and activities, such as a hobby or a sport, to do with them. It's easier to develop a caring, loving, and friendly relationship with your stepchildren when you don’t have the burden of parental responsibilities and can simply enjoy your time together instead.
2.Allow your partner to actively take care of his children: If you want to have a good relationship with your stepchildren and your partner, don’t automatically become the primary housekeeper. Of course, you may do some tasks for your stepchildren, just as you would for other family members, but you'll become resentful if you feel you must fulfill all maternal duties for them -- especially if you don’t feel appreciated for what you do. You aren’t shirking stepmother duties if you don’t cook, clean, and do their laundry. Those are your partner’s jobs, even if you're staying home to care for your own biological children. In most cases, stepmothers should operate more as a babysitters or aunts than as parents. This will leave you more time for activities that provide you with the most meaning and pleasure.
3.Allow your partner to discipline his children: Remarried fathers need to step up to the plate when it comes to teaching their children appropriate behavior. Most mental health experts agree that it's your partner’s responsibility to discipline his children; if you discipline them, your stepchildren may resent you. Many stepmothers complain that their partners are too lax about providing structure and boundaries for their children after a divorce. When stepchildren misbehave, first focus your attention on your partner rather than the children. Let him know, gently and calmly, that you feel he needs to assert his authority in order to help his children grow and develop and feel secure and protected. If he isn’t capable of being a strong parent, then your life, his life, and your stepchildren’s lives will suffer.
4.Establish house rules: In order to ensure mutual respect in the stepfamily, it's essential for you and your partner to develop a set of rules that everyone in the family must abide by. If your stepchildren are old enough, they can even participate in setting up these rules. Often, parents are amused to find that their children establish stricter punishments for breaking a rule than the adults would've done! When everyone in the family knows the house rules, you and your partner can back each other up when a transgression occurs. Working together as a team is important for you as a couple and teaches children that they can't “divide and conquer.”
5.Have a weekly date night with your husband: To be content as a stepmother and survive the stresses of stepfamily life, your relationship with your partner must be the most important priority in your life and his (right after your own well-being, which should always come first). Having fun together strengthens your relationship and makes it easier to get over the crises when they occur.
6.Accept that your feelings for your stepchildren and the feelings that your stepchildren have for you are “good enough”: Oftentimes, stepmothers feel pressured that they must love their stepchildren and expect their stepchildren to reciprocate that love in return. Love is an emotion that can’t be forced. If you love your stepchildren, that’s wonderful, but if you don’t, that’s also acceptable, as long as you provide kindness, compassion, and respect to them. No more and no less should be expected of you. When you remove expectations that you must love your stepchildren, it'll be easier just to be nice to them -- and in a genuine way. This can lead, eventually, to love.
7.Model good behavior: Our first challenge as stepmothers is to accept and welcome our stepchildren by being warm, kind, and respectful. The integration of a stepfamily begins with you and your partner. As mature, responsible adults, you have the job of laying the groundwork for the new family. You're the front-runner for modeling respect and compassion.
8.Don’t take it personally: Most of us as stepmothers try our hardest to be kind, considerate, and loving to our stepchildren. If our efforts are rebuffed, we naturally feel extremely hurt. Stepchildren may reject your attention and warmth for various reasons. Perhaps they feel that since they already have two parents, they don’t want a third one in their lives. They may be afraid their mothers will be hurt if they become close to you. They may not trust that your relationship with their father will last and don't want to experience loss again. Or they simply may not share your interests or temperament, and find it hard to relate to you. Any of these obstacles can take a long time to overcome, and the situation might not change at all despite your best efforts. Whatever the case, you need to accept things as they are for your own emotional welfare and not take stepchildren’s rejection of you as a personal attack.
9.Create your own holiday traditions: Holidays can be particularly painful for stepmothers who may be excluded from special occasions, such as weddings or Christmas, even after years of marriage to their partners. Other stepmothers can feel like outsiders at holiday gatherings. If you experience feelings of dread prior to certain family events, start your own traditions. Have an annual Halloween, Thanksgiving, or Easter gathering. You'll have more control when you host your own holiday celebrations.
10.Take charge of your own happiness: As a stepmother, it's of paramount importance for you to take care of your own emotional needs first, before everyone and everything else in your life. When you commit to making your emotional welfare the number one priority in your life, you'll be giving yourself the best shot at happiness. Attaining happiness requires hard work and a willingness to expend energy creating a meaningful life. We do this by focusing on what we want and then taking action to get it. Take charge!
***About the author: Rachelle Katz is the author of The Happy Stepmother, recently published by Harlequin Nonfiction. She's a psychotherapist in private practice in New York City and a stepmother coach.
Being a stepmother can be one of the most challenging roles in society, and one that often receives little support, understanding, and appreciation from others. In my book, The Happy Stepmother, I share 10 steps to thrive despite the frustrations that come with stepmotherhood, but here are 10 tips you can try right now to become a happier stepmother today:
1.Enjoy time with your stepchildren: Stepchildren should be assets, rather than liabilities, in your life. To have good relationships with them, you need to spend quality time with them and interact in meaningful, pleasurable ways. Since quality relationships are built from one-on-one interactions, spend private time with each of your stepchildren. Find common interests and activities, such as a hobby or a sport, to do with them. It's easier to develop a caring, loving, and friendly relationship with your stepchildren when you don’t have the burden of parental responsibilities and can simply enjoy your time together instead.
2.Allow your partner to actively take care of his children: If you want to have a good relationship with your stepchildren and your partner, don’t automatically become the primary housekeeper. Of course, you may do some tasks for your stepchildren, just as you would for other family members, but you'll become resentful if you feel you must fulfill all maternal duties for them -- especially if you don’t feel appreciated for what you do. You aren’t shirking stepmother duties if you don’t cook, clean, and do their laundry. Those are your partner’s jobs, even if you're staying home to care for your own biological children. In most cases, stepmothers should operate more as a babysitters or aunts than as parents. This will leave you more time for activities that provide you with the most meaning and pleasure.
3.Allow your partner to discipline his children: Remarried fathers need to step up to the plate when it comes to teaching their children appropriate behavior. Most mental health experts agree that it's your partner’s responsibility to discipline his children; if you discipline them, your stepchildren may resent you. Many stepmothers complain that their partners are too lax about providing structure and boundaries for their children after a divorce. When stepchildren misbehave, first focus your attention on your partner rather than the children. Let him know, gently and calmly, that you feel he needs to assert his authority in order to help his children grow and develop and feel secure and protected. If he isn’t capable of being a strong parent, then your life, his life, and your stepchildren’s lives will suffer.
4.Establish house rules: In order to ensure mutual respect in the stepfamily, it's essential for you and your partner to develop a set of rules that everyone in the family must abide by. If your stepchildren are old enough, they can even participate in setting up these rules. Often, parents are amused to find that their children establish stricter punishments for breaking a rule than the adults would've done! When everyone in the family knows the house rules, you and your partner can back each other up when a transgression occurs. Working together as a team is important for you as a couple and teaches children that they can't “divide and conquer.”
5.Have a weekly date night with your husband: To be content as a stepmother and survive the stresses of stepfamily life, your relationship with your partner must be the most important priority in your life and his (right after your own well-being, which should always come first). Having fun together strengthens your relationship and makes it easier to get over the crises when they occur.
6.Accept that your feelings for your stepchildren and the feelings that your stepchildren have for you are “good enough”: Oftentimes, stepmothers feel pressured that they must love their stepchildren and expect their stepchildren to reciprocate that love in return. Love is an emotion that can’t be forced. If you love your stepchildren, that’s wonderful, but if you don’t, that’s also acceptable, as long as you provide kindness, compassion, and respect to them. No more and no less should be expected of you. When you remove expectations that you must love your stepchildren, it'll be easier just to be nice to them -- and in a genuine way. This can lead, eventually, to love.
7.Model good behavior: Our first challenge as stepmothers is to accept and welcome our stepchildren by being warm, kind, and respectful. The integration of a stepfamily begins with you and your partner. As mature, responsible adults, you have the job of laying the groundwork for the new family. You're the front-runner for modeling respect and compassion.
8.Don’t take it personally: Most of us as stepmothers try our hardest to be kind, considerate, and loving to our stepchildren. If our efforts are rebuffed, we naturally feel extremely hurt. Stepchildren may reject your attention and warmth for various reasons. Perhaps they feel that since they already have two parents, they don’t want a third one in their lives. They may be afraid their mothers will be hurt if they become close to you. They may not trust that your relationship with their father will last and don't want to experience loss again. Or they simply may not share your interests or temperament, and find it hard to relate to you. Any of these obstacles can take a long time to overcome, and the situation might not change at all despite your best efforts. Whatever the case, you need to accept things as they are for your own emotional welfare and not take stepchildren’s rejection of you as a personal attack.
9.Create your own holiday traditions: Holidays can be particularly painful for stepmothers who may be excluded from special occasions, such as weddings or Christmas, even after years of marriage to their partners. Other stepmothers can feel like outsiders at holiday gatherings. If you experience feelings of dread prior to certain family events, start your own traditions. Have an annual Halloween, Thanksgiving, or Easter gathering. You'll have more control when you host your own holiday celebrations.
10.Take charge of your own happiness: As a stepmother, it's of paramount importance for you to take care of your own emotional needs first, before everyone and everything else in your life. When you commit to making your emotional welfare the number one priority in your life, you'll be giving yourself the best shot at happiness. Attaining happiness requires hard work and a willingness to expend energy creating a meaningful life. We do this by focusing on what we want and then taking action to get it. Take charge!
***About the author: Rachelle Katz is the author of The Happy Stepmother, recently published by Harlequin Nonfiction. She's a psychotherapist in private practice in New York City and a stepmother coach.
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Don't shoot the messenger
20/05/2010 14:13
How are messages relayed in your home? Are the DH and BM mature enough to keep the kids out of it and just let them be kids? Or do one or both of them make the children unwilling participants in a stuggle for dominance?
In my case the BM uses SD9 to relay any message where DH may not agree. She tells her and waits for SD to tell us...or lately she has actually been telling SD that it is up to her to tell her Dad. DH on the other hand relays all adult issues personally and NEVER makes the children tell their Mother something that should be relayed by an adult.
I have searched my mind and soul trying to understand what the BM accomplishes by doing this that she may see as a positive.
I have found NOTHING! SD told me it makes her feel scared, worried and confused. I told her it was her job to be a kid and have fun to which she answered "and to be happy...right?” In this particular situation the BM was interfering in DH's decisions during his custody and SD knew full well that she should not be doing so. When she asked her Mom if Daddy knew she received the response that it is up to her to tell her Dad. This placed a nine year old girl between a rock and a hard place or more literally between two people she loves in a no-win situation for herself.
This has been an on-going issue for the past 3 yrs...started when SD was 6. No matter how many times DH asks/tells BM not to do it and reiterates the effect on SD he is ignored and she continues this damaging practice. How do we stop this for good? We can not put a gag on the BM (although it would be very nice if we could) and we can't control what she says/does to the children.
In the end we are doing the best we can by letting SD know that she is not responsible to be the one who tells when Mom does something that she shouldn’t or be the one that has to be a go between in their communication.
I told SD that she should talk to her Mom and tell her how it makes her feel and that the next time BM tries to get her to be the messenger or says things about her Dad or me that make her sad and worried to ask her Mother to stop and to speak to her Dad instead. Hopefully SD will be able to do this (her Mother's actions have made her a peacemaker) and perhaps it will stop.
I am certain we will hear about me "over stepping" boundaries by telling SD to not let her Mom do this...but I am a big girl and I don't mind taking the heat so SD can feel like a kid instead of a messenger. And at the end of the day if BM did not pull this kind of crap I would not need to be there to pick up the pieces.
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rules of engagement after divorce-
18/05/2010 16:26The Ten Rules of Good Ex-Etiquette (as found on Bonus Families).
1. Put the children first.
2. Ask for help when you need it.
3. No badmouthing.
4. Biological parents make the rules; bonusparents uphold them.
5. Don’t be spiteful.
6. Don’t hold grudges.
7. Use empathy when problem solving.
8. Be honest and straightforward.
9. Respect each other’s turf.
10. Compromise whenever possible.
SO these are the rules they give us...how hard is it to live up to the "gold star" standard? How do we accomplish this without buy-in from all parties?
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Peace? Is it really possible?
18/05/2010 09:38Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith were on Oprah today with their children—ALONG WITH HIS EX-WIFE.
Fascinating stuff.
Will was married to Sheree Zampino for four years (1992-95) and they have a 17 year-old son named Trey. Will and Jada also have two children, actor Jaden (11) and singer Willow (10).
Oprah: …And speaking of extended family, everybody’s here. Both grandmothers are here—
Jada: Yep, we got Kyle, my brother; we got Sheree, that’s Trey’s mama… and her husband, Pastor Turrell.
Oprah: And so, obviously—obviously, everybody gets along and you all made a conscious effort for that to happen.
Will: Absolutely.
Oprah: Especially when there has been a previous relationship and a child….
Jada: Yep—
Oprah: Why did you make that decision? We’ve talked about this before, I think this is powerful—
Jada: Well, actually Sheree and I both had to make that decision, because at the end of the day… we had Trey. And that had to be the primary focus, our primary, uh… you know, just: what does HE need? And so we had to put aside our own craziness—
Oprah: Your stuff—
Jada: Our stuff, and you know, all the baggage that comes with it. And she and I just had to focus on, what does he need.
Oprah: (to Sheree): Was there a talk about that?
Jada: Oh… we had plenty. (She and Sheree laugh, Sheree nods.)
Sheree: We did, we did… It took—it took a minute, but we got it. And we realized (gesturing to she and Will, smiling), we had our chance. Now it’s about these kids.
Jada: Right, right….
Oprah: (to Will): Could you speak to the ex-wives of America and tell them that?
(general laughing)
Jada: You know, I wish! And oftentimes—
Oprah: ‘Cause so many people are holding on to “what could have been….”
Jada: And the thing about it is, (simultaneously with Oprah:) the kids suffer.
Oprah: Yes. Yes—
Jada: And at the end of the day, it’s like… we have to let go of our own selfish desires, our own selfish needs and we have to look: What? What can we do to facilitate the group? And what can we do to facilitate the children, who—ultimately—they’re our future!
Oprah: They’re your future….
(Cheree nods vigorously.)
I know for many stepmoms here, I’m preaching to the choir. You’ve TRIED to make it better with the mom and have been rebuffed more times than you care to count. Or maybe you’ve just stopped trying.
Or maybe you’re a mom and feel like you’re forever dealing with a stepmom who seems bent on outshining you in the motherhood department. Fun, huh?
Either way, notice Jada’s emphasis on how it was a decision both she and Sheree made to work together.
And most importantly, please note her admission that there’s baggage and “stuff” on both sides, but they each found a way to operate from a higher sense of purpose.
The kids’ well-being.
Your thoughts?
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Happy Step Mother's Day
15/05/2010 21:06
Today I salute you. Yes, you. The women that raise his children even in the face of anger, hurt and rejection. The women that take the time from their lives to put their emotions on the line and in the line of fire for the child that is not their own by choice. These children become ours not by choice but by circumstance. And I salute you, the women that take that circumstantial meeting and create a family.
Today I am grateful to you. Yes, you. The husband that loves and supports me. The Man that gave me a family I did not even know I wanted or needed.
Today I thank God for you. Yes, you. The child that I never saw coming and now could not imagine my life without. The child that feels torn between two homes and at times feels their heart is split. The child that takes my hand and shows me love without demand.
Today I wish for more women like you. Yes, you. The Biological Mom that understands the importance of honoring all persons that show your child love and affection. The Biological Mom that is grateful that her children have another who loves, respects and teaches them without thought for themselves. The Biological Mom that accepts that her child can love another woman without damaging the love that her child has for her.
Today I pray for us. Yes all of us; Step Mother, Father, Biological Mother and child. Together we make a family. Whether we want to admit or to accept it, the fact remains we make a whole.
Today honor us all and hope for a brighter tomorrow not just for the 'sake of the child' but for the sake of us all.
Happy StepMother's Day.
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Resentment. A dirty word??
11/05/2010 10:58
As a stepmom of three with no kids of my own I often feel overwhelmed and even, if I am being honest, a bit resentful.
Resentful...what a horrible sentiment. Did I actually just say that out loud? What will people think of me? Am I a horrible person for feeling resentment toward 3 young children? Do I even know what I am feeling resentful about? Does it mean that I do not love my husband and appreciate the fact that he has children, a fact I knew full well before I chose to marry him.
Is it 'okay' to feel like my life is not what I had expected, not the happy family life that I grew up with? Not the sophisticated life of a professional woman? It is instead somewhere in between. I have a family filled with children who are not my own and I work as a professional person yet have no extra to buy myself something because the skids need...so much. So then I gave up an unfettered life in the city for a life full of baby Mama Drama and work hard not for me but for a family of children that I did not give birth to or adopt. Who wouldn't feel resentment sometimes??? Who wouldn't think at time 'what the hell have I done..."?
So then the question remains, does this make me more of an "evil" stepmom than a Not so evil step mom? Or does it just make me human?
I have struggled with feeling guilty about my feelings for a long time and recently came to terms with my feelings and understand that it does not mean I do not love my skids. It does not mean I don't accept my life for what it is, what I chose for it to be. It means I am just a person doing my best in a less than ideal situation. A situation that no one is prepared for. Who thinks when they are a little girl "when I grow up I want to fall in love with a man who has three children, a crazy bitter ex-wife that hates me, is financially hamstrung by the same and I especially want my first year of marriage to be wrapped up in the crazy that ensues from it all". NO ONE!
So when I sat down and examined my feelings of resentment I found the most interesting thing. I do not resent the children, I love and enjoy them. I do not resent my husband's past and the fact he was married and had children before me, we all have a past especially when you marry in your late 30's. I don't even resent the fact that we have decided not to have children of our own, three is enough for me.
I figured out that I resent the death of the dream that I had for my life. I resent the fact that I was unprepared and completely blindsided by the reality that my 'dream' idea of my life as an adult was completely off base and not what was in the plans for me. That I am not in 'control' of what is happening in my life all of the time, there are people forced in to my life who I would not ever want associate with and maybe I have something to learn from them. I guess I am in mourning for the life I thought I wanted. What a surprise to find out that the life I was destined for is completely different then the life I had planned.
I am not so hard on myself now when the feelings of resentment start to rear their 'ugly' head. Instead I allow myself the feeling of being secure in the understanding that I am happy with my life, it is merely not what I expected it to be. And let's be honest in most cases the unexpected life is what we really needed all along.
NSESM
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Mother's Day Humor "You're Really A Mom When..."
08/05/2010 13:09By Elena Kent May 8 at 8:15am
* You count the number of sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to make sure they are equal.
* You want to take out a contract on the kid who broke your child's favorite toy and made him/her cry.
* You have time to shave only one leg at a time.
* You hide in the bathroom to be alone.
* Your child throws up and you catch it.
* Someone else's kid throws up at a party and you keep eating.
* You consider finger paint to be a controlled substance.
* You mastered the art of placing food on a plate without anything touching.
* Your child insists that you read "Once upon a Potty" out loud in the lobby of the doctor's office and you do it.
* You hire a baby sitter because you haven't been out with your husband in ages, then you spend half the night talking about and checking on the kids.
* You hope ketchup is a vegetable because it's the only one your child eats.
* You find yourself cutting your husband's sandwiches into unusual shapes.
* You fast-forward through the scene when the hunter shoots Bambi's mother.
* You obsess when your child clings to you upon parting during his first month at school, then you obsess when he skips in without looking back.
* You can't bear to give away baby clothes--it's so final.
* You hear your mother's voice coming out of your mouth when you say, "Not in your good clothes."
* You stop criticizing the way your mother raised you.
* You read that the average-five-year old asks 437 questions a day and feel proud that your kid is "above average."
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO ALL KINDS OF MOMS!
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According to her...
06/05/2010 17:12I think the hardest thing for me to admit to myself was that I could not change the BM. No matter how much I love my SC and no matter how hard I try to get along with her she is not interested. She is not interested in my opinion, in my having influence over the children (even though with kids living with us 50% of the time it is impossible for me to not). She would rather hate me and resent me in the lives of her children then try to have any type of relationship with me.
It has been very hard for me to give up control here and to just accept this fact. The nicer I am to her the bitchier she is to me and the more disrespectful. It seems like I can't win for losing some days. Like today.
Anything that comes from our home is bad...we do not have a good idea between us "according to her". I am too involved and not a parent to the kids at all..."according to her".
So then do I live my life "according to her"? Or according to me?
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